Akatsuki: Renamed
by Jyra
Summary: The leader of Akatsuki decides it is no longer an original name! What will the evil criminals do? No longer oneshot! New and last chapter: Akatsuki evil plan. Now finished!
1. Akatsuki: Renamed!

**Akatsuki: Renamed**

**_I DO NOT OWN NARUTO_**

'Leader-sama, what is it?'

All the Akatsuki members were gathered in Cave 666 aka the meeting room. The Akatsuki leader treated each and everyone of them to a death glare because talking.

'I have found out…'

He paused for dramatic affect.

'Akatsuki is no longer an original name.

At this point, all the members of Akatsuki gasped. Well all except for Itachi.

'Well, duh, we all knew that. Akatsuki are Japanese naval destroyers. I can't believe you guys thought it was an original name.'

'I didn't know, un'

Deidara piped up, before shooting one of his most winning smiled at Itachi. Itachi was just about to sharingan Deidara when the leader treated them all to another death glare.

'The point is, what are we going to do?'

'We could rename ourselves.'

Tobi added his thoughts to the conversation.

'Well no bloody duh'

Itachi really was in a bad mood that morning. Normally he just didn't talk, which many preferred.

The leader signed. This was going to be a long however long it took.

'Ok the question is…what do we rename ourselves?'

'Tobi has an idea'

Tobi had recovered from Itachi's death glare and was now waving his hand in the air in the most idiotic fashion.

'What about 'the evil villains who are amazingly powerful but will never succeed because they never do'?'

'No, no an triple no'

Kisame screamed

'How the hell will we scare people if every time we meet someone we have to say 'Mwhaha we are 'the evil villains who are amazingly powerful but will never succeed because they never do'. By the time we've finished with that mouthful we're be dead!?!'

'Ok, so maybe that's not the number 1 candidate…'

The leader pointed out the obvious

'Deidara?'

'How about the Nazi's? They were really evil and killed loads of people, un?'

Hmm, this one was sounding promising, the leader reasoned. But, just one question…

'Did they succeed?'

'No, un.'

Itachi sighed, they were all so stupid.

'If any of you hadn't realized, if we called ourselves the Nazi's the only member we'd have left is Deidara. How many other blonds do you see here?'

Deidara treated Itachi to his best glare, well it was really a 'you know you want me even if you pretend to hate me' smirk.

'So, the Nazi's are out…Anyone else?'

'I heard of a group called the Deatheaters'

Zetsu stated, in a rather mono voice.

'Are you even stupider than Tobi?!?

Kisame screamed again

'Oh do please enlighten us to why it is so stupid Kisame'

The leader was starting to get annoyed with the lack of helpful name suggestions.

'Ok, let me put it this way, the leader of this evil organisation is basically Orochimaru in less drag. I mean, this Voldy guy talks to snakes, looks like a frickin snake and even has super evil pet snakes. And this guy got beaten by a baby.'

'Anyone else?'

Hidan was about to speak when Kakuzu forcible stopped him.

'LordJavenrules will defiantly not do Hidan'

Kakuza growled.

'Idiot I wasn't going to suggest that, I was thinking more along the lines of LordJaveniscool. But if that's so bad, what do you suggest Kakuzu? If you had your way we'd all be called the bounty hunters anyway'

At this point Kakuza leapt onto Hidan and started trying to kill him. Trying being the keyword.

The leader looked around. Why did he spend his days with such idiots like these? They weren't even paying attention anymore. Itachi was glaring at a rock and muttering curses. Deidara was trying to inch his way closer to Itachi without the former realising. Tobi was well, sleeping. Hidan and Kakuzu were rolling around on the floor…and the rest...were plotting to kill someone. Someone by the name of…Hang on, they were plotting to kill him. Why? The leader was not sure, but he'd bet a fair amount of money on the fact that it had something to do with this whole new name thing. Right, he had to act quickly if he wanted to make sure his hair got out alive.

'Ok, evil S rank criminal. I may have an idea. An idea so cool and evil, it may be more evil than evil it's self. Why don't we name ourselves, Akatsuki!'

At once there were applause and comments of

'Wow, what a cool name'

'Why didn't I think of that'

And the occasional

'Haven't I heard that somewhere before?'

Apart from Itcahi who was know leaning against a rock.

'Idiots'

He muttered, before walking off to find his hair spray.

**Ok, tell me what you think…Actually, its probably awful, but I had the idea.**

**Jyra **


	2. Akatsuki in Love?

**Akatsuki in love?!?**

**Ok, people have been asking me to add to Akatsuki: Renamed, so here it is: Akatsuki in love!?!**

**Thanks to ALL the reviewers! Hope you enjoy this one as much as the last one!**

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_Uchiha Itachi, stood, cape billowing behind him on a mountain somewhere in Sweden. With one hand on his hip and the other on his sword, his eyes swept over HIS world. The birds were singing, the people were worshipping him and his hair was gently blowing in the wind. Behind him, a beautiful blond maiden with her arms out stretched, was running towards him crying_

'_Itachi, you are the most powerful man…_

Earth to Itachi, is there anyone home, un?'

Itachi blinked. He wasn't in Sweden, he wasn't ruling the world and the beautiful blond maiden was actually a not so beautiful blond man who was waving his hand in front of Itachi's face at this very moment.

Itachi slapped Deidara's hand away, before death glaring at a rock. Said rock decided to take the easy way out and spontaneously combust.

'…so, my room, it's very warm you know and my beds very soft.'

Deidara frowned; Itachi was more interested in a rock than his super soft bed. That was it, from this day on; he and the rock (which was now ashes) were rivals. In fact, just to be on the safe side, Deidara decided then are there to declare war on all rocks. He would have to bring it up at the next Akatsuki meeting.

But for now, Deidara decided, he would have a snoop around Itachi's room and see if he could find any evidence that he was um…into men…not that Deidara was…no…not at all…

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With a move that would have put James Bond to shame, Deidara crept into Itachi's room, holding an imagery gun in his hands.

(Cue James Bind music) 'Du, du, duna, du, du, duna, duna duna..'

Deidara sang to him self as he turned a corner, imaginary gun at the ready.

Once in said room, Deidara stood.

'Now, if I was gay, which I'm not, where would I hide something that would give my gayness away un…?'

Deidara pondered, then pondered some more. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over his head

'Ah-ha, I hide my magazines under my bed so maybe Itachi does too…not that I'm gay, un'

But, alas, poor Deidara, there were no magazines. In fact there really wasn't much in Itachi's room. Well that was an over statement.

The only personal object was 251 bottles of L'Oreal hair product. There was L'Oreal conditioner, L'Oreal Shine and Shimmer hair mouse, L'Oreal Love at first Sniff and most importantly of all, L'Oreal Super Powerful Bad Guy Gel!

Just as Deidara was about to leave, he spotted a booklet, just poking out from under the mound of hair products.

The title read

'Fan Fiction'

Du du du duh (Cue: Darkside Star wars music)

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Itachi had stomped off to continue his Sweden fantasy and try to forget about a certain blond twat who kept trying to some on to him.

However, the rest of Akatsuki, minus Deidara Bond and the Swedish ruler of the world, were cooking up a darstally plan.

'And so'

The leader explained

'When Deidara finds the book of fan fiction I planted in Itachi's room, all hell will break lose! Mhwa Mwha Mwha ha ha ha'

The Leader when down onto his knees laughing manically like…a maniac

'Leader-sama, how the hell do you know Deidara is planning on snooping in Itachi's room?'

Kakuza asked, no sarcasm what so ever in his voice.'

Yes, the leader though to himself, they really were stupid.

'Because, my ugly ducklings, I happen to know Deidara sneaks into Itachi's room approximately 2.5 times a day'

At this point, Tobi was very confused. The rest of the members were still sulking from being called ugly.

'Why would Deidara do that?'

The leaders sighed again. This was becoming a bad habit.

'To see if he can find any evidence that Itachi is gay?'

Tobi was still confused.

'Why would Deidara want to know?'

At this point, Hidan very calmly go up, walked to Tobi and hit him. Hard.

'In case you hadn't noticed, Deidara is gay. I mean super gay. Gayer than gayness itself.'

'Oh…'

Was all Tobi said. He got it now…

'And now'

The leader cackled.

'On to operation: Fan Fiction'

Kakuza was a little irritated

'Leader-sama, you never actually explained why we were doing this'

The leaders stopped cackling.

'Oh yeah…'

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**Ok, I've decide to continue this story as people seem to want me too! The next chapter will be up in a bout a week!**

**Next Chapter: Operation Fan Fiction**

**Tell me what you think!**

**Love you**

**Jyra**


	3. Akatsuki evil plan!

**Akatsuki in love?!?**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the plot**_

**I wasn't going to update this but then I had half an hour spare I couldn't decide what story to update so I decided, hey I'll update this on! Hope you like it! Oh, and the members that have died are still here ok? So this is the last chapter, finally over, if you have struck with me, I'm sorry it took so long and thanks for your support!**

**I hope no one is offended by modern day references, this is not meant to offend anyone and is all meant to be in good humour. However, supporters of Margeret Thather, the Ex-gay moevement, chmeistry and the evil villains in James Bond may wish to by-pass this fan fiction if they feel the content may upset them. **

**Part 3. **

_**Operation: Fan fiction!**_

'Explain. Now. Please'

The Leader grinned.

'All in good time my dear Kakuza.'

He said in a very un-Leader like way that crept out Kakuza just a little.

'Ok a good time is now.'

The Leader unexpectedly announced and signalled for the group to huddle round in an evil planning like way.

'Well, you see, in that small but oh so deadly book, there is a story. This is the one story to rule them all, the one story to find them…'

'Get to the point sometime today please.'

'Wrong time of the month Kakuza?'

Tobi asked caringly. And was soon flying through the air.

'Ok, ok, enough in-evil gang fighting. It nearly destroyed the communist party.'

The Leader was loosing his patients as he tried against to explain his evil plan.

'So when Itachi finds the One Book, he will be unwittingly convinced that he has succumb to such a miserable fate that he will, for once in his miserable life shown what we classify as human emotions.'

'So what Leader-sama means is that whatever is in this book is going to drive Itachi crazy.'

Hidan explained to the rest of the group who were looking mildly confused at the Leader's long winded explanation.

'What he said.'

The Leader smiled.

'Now my pretties, the fun begins!'

Meanwhile Deidara had been flicking through the book, gawping more and more horrified as he turned each page. This was his evidence that Itachi, Itachi was…straight. Deidara grimaced at the mere thought. This book claimed to predict the future.

Now Deidara wasn't normally taken in by these thinks, sure, he may have believed the fortune teller that he would grow up to be a psychopathic murderer when he was little but that defiantly hadn't come true so he wasn't going to fall for the same trick twice.

The problem was that this book knew details about Itachi that only someone who spent most afternoons snooping around Itachi's room would know AKA him.

Meanwhile, back with Leader and co….

The Leader was now explaining in depth his grand scheme.

'In The One Book, I have included The One Story. The One Story is brilliant because I wrote it. Yes, my pretties, I wrote a brilliant and creative piece of art and I named it…Itachi and that pink haired one from Konaha get married and rule the world.'

Kakuza still wasn't quite there

'The point being…?'

Now the Leader was really getting annoyed. Why was he surrounded by imbecilic mentally unstable twits?

'That Itachi gets annoyed and we all laugh.'

Hidan added in a bored voice that could have rivalled Shikamaru's.

'Oh.'

Kakuza stopped pacing the room and sat down; trying to think up another problem in the scheme, apart from the fact that it was down right stupid, had no point and would probably have disastrous consequences.

'Oh.'

Apart from those he still couldn't find any life threatening situations. As all the other members started to get back to doing dastardly deeds that would hopefully rank them alongside some of the world's greatest criminals, you know like The Master, Margaret Thatcher and whoever decided chemistry should be so darn complicated, Kakuza continued to think. And think. And think. And at last it came to him.

'Guys guys.'

He cried, a bit like Telemachus might have cried to the Suitors to leave his house.

And like Telemachus, no one paid him the least bit of attention. Though no one was plotting to murder him…yet at least.

'What if Deidara discovered the book-'

'One Book'

The Leader corrected before returning to ignoring him.

'Right, One Book then. What if Deidara…'

But he was cut off by a loud noise that normally meant…

Yes Deidara had just arrived, One Book in hand, with a look of shear panic on his face. But before he could speak, the Leader held up his hand and put on his best teacher voice.

'Dei-Dei-kun I can explain…'

But the rest was lost as Deidara started to gabble at a hundred miles per hour with how Itachi was straight (Yeah right, asexual more like), Itachi going to marry Pinkie from Konoha (As much chance Winston Churchill winning the next election) and how Itachi was going to rule the world (…actually, that's not too impossible).

It was then the Leader knew his brilliant plan had turned completely on its head. Why does that always happen to the best evil plans?

I mean take Hitler for example, that was, as evil plans go, pretty evil. And did it work? Well I think you can answer that one you're self. And think of Mussolini, one minute fascist dictator, the next thing you know, he's got a death day party planned with compulsory attendants.

The Leader sat back into his chair and sighted as he watched Deidara being sedated and escorted off the premises. He could have sworn he felt his hair greying by the second with all these failed evil plans. There much be some secret, he though, to pulling off the evil plan. The only problem was, no one seemed to know the secret. Not that 'super cool but completely evil soviet spy in James Bond'. Maybe he should just plan a communist revolution instead; they always seemed to work…

Meanwhile, Itachi was still happily (well as much as it possible for a human robot!) daydreaming of the day he ruled Sweden.

And it was that moment that the Leader came up with his and totally foolproof, totally evil, totally deranged evil plan…quickly calling everyone round, he spent a good 2.5 hours building up to it before announcing…

'We shall join the Ex-Gays movement.'

**------THE END-----**

**Finally over! Sorry if I insulted anyone in this, and thanks to everyone who has read this, sorry the last part was such a long time coming! I love you all!**

**Love from Jyra**


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